


Tall Fishing Tales

by SalazarTipton



Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Accidentally Hidden Relationship, Gen, Identity Reveal, Kaer Morhen, M/M, No beta we die like stregobor should have, Non-Human Jaskier | Dandelion, One Shot, Tall Tales, Winter At Kaer Morhen, Witcher Jaskier | Dandelion, Wordcount: 1.000-3.000, school of the crane
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 06:06:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27410056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SalazarTipton/pseuds/SalazarTipton
Summary: Jaskier can't help himself from laughing at Lambert's story of taking on a sea creature and winds up admitting he's not just a bard...
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion, Jaskier | Dandelion & Lambert
Comments: 9
Kudos: 519





	Tall Fishing Tales

**Author's Note:**

> this came about from link hopping around the witcher wiki and finding out there's a witcher school i've never heard of that barely has any canon info aside from sea monsters and guns!!! ~it's free real estate~

“You mean to say you’ve seen sea monsters? With your own eyes?” Jaskier asks over the rim of his goblet positioned carefully to hide how poorly he’s fighting back a grin. 

Thankfully only Geralt seems to notice the mirth in his gaze. He can’t believe the drivel he’s hearing. Yes, they have had their fair share of drinks since dinner ended hours ago, but this isn’t the ramblings of a drunkard, it’s downright ironic comedy! A Wolf Witcher taking to the high seas in search of a Kraken to kill.  _ Bloody hell _ , Jaskier is having a hard time keeping himself together. He sets his lute down, leaning it against the study table leg before he clumsily split wine on it when he eventually cracks up laughing. 

“I’m a Witcher, bard. I didn’t go sightseeing; I went there to kill it,” Lambert replies, scoffing at him. 

“That must have been harrowing. How can you fight something hidden in the depths? You have to breathe at some point.”

Eskel sighs to himself. “Lambert has a different idea of what ‘fishing’ means. His line and hook looks fairly similar to an explosion.”

“You threw a bomb at it?” Jaskier can’t hide the laugh that barrels out of him at the image of Lambert in some dingy tossing a lit bomb off into the distance, expecting it to kill something as large and dangerous as he’s describing. 

“A bomb? More like a whole bag full. Did the trick, though. Bits of the thing floated to the surface. Waited a few days and no one sign anymore sign of the beast, so they gave me my coin. Job done.” 

Lambert leans back in his chair with a smirk. He looks so sure of himself that he completed his contract and dealt a swift blow like some knight in a children’s tale stabbing the monster threw the heart in the first swing. Eskel looks tired of his brother’s bragging bullshit while Geralt just looks bored. This is probably far from the first time of them hearing this fishing tale. 

“But how do you  _ know _ it’s dead? You could have just hit a part of it and it swam off to lick its wounds. Of course it wouldn’t go back to that spot after what occurred. Would you seek out places where you were nearly blown up without warning, while on the mend?” Jaskier asks rapidly, trying to parse together himself just how Lambert could fathom his plan to have worked. 

“Keep to your songs, Lark. You’re out of your depth.” 

Geralt’s eyes flick up from his game of Gwent with Eskel at Jaskier, questioning. This isn’t quite how he imagined telling the wolves of his true origins, but he can’t let Lambert go on thinking this travesty is anything to become a braggart over. 

“My depth? What’s a wolf doing in the ocean in the first place? Sounds like the start of a bad joke,” Jaskier lets himself laugh fully now, earning himself a glare from Lambert, “You studied inland creatures like chorts and ghouls. Pray tell, in what mythical book did you learn all about sea monsters in? Because the only books containing the real truths of such beasts aren’t housed in  _ this  _ Witcher school.”

“The hell is that supposed to mean?”

“You didn’t kill your sea monster, which is, by the way, a giant squid not a kraken. All you did was piss it off and make it regrow a limb or two. Luckily, it has more than a few to spare. You got your coin, yes, but you didn’t  _ really _ fulfill your end of the bargain.”

“How the fuck would you know anything, huh? If it weren’t for you tailing Geralt for the better part of your life like a bloody dog, you wouldn’t know a drowner from a siren!”

Jaskier tenses at the accusation.  _ Like a dog?  _ Was that all he saw their relationship as? Sure, he and Geralt have always strayed away from public shows of affection. (A Witcher doesn’t normally receive a happy welcome, especially when he’s seen kissing a supposedly human man in broad daylight by the stables.) Here at Kaer Morhen, Jaskier realizes they haven’t acted any differently. 

Did Geralt never tell his brothers about their love? Jaskier internally bemoans himself. His silent, emotionally stunted lover most definitely wouldn’t have willingly opened up about his feelings to his brothers and their father figure without serious goading. He ignores the small ache in his heart in favor of turning the hurt on Lambert’s smug face. 

“Oh, did I forget to mention? While most know me as Jaskier, yes, I have many other names. Including Julian Alfred Pankratz, Viscount de Lettenhove or in my earlier years as a Crane Witcher.”

Eskel drops his cards on the table and stares at Jaskier with wide eyes. Geralt ignores his brothers and the current situation in favor of swapping out some of the cards, forcing Eskel’s loss in the next few turns. Jaskier wants to snap at him for focusing on something so frivolous when he’s just exposed himself and taken a huge risk. But then again, how would he feel in his keep with his brothers, having Geralt admit he’s a wolf? Not threatened, that’s for sure. 

“You? A fucking Witcher? There’s no way! The Trails would kill a fop like you!”

“Are you just pissy that I kept my title and decided to live my own life? Tell me, Lambert, have you ever met a Witcher from the School of the Crane before? Hmm, no? And I wonder why that is…oh take those looks off your faces, my brothers are fine. Our mutations just make hiding in plain sight far easier than yours. Besides, many of them are on the high seas most of the time.”

“Do you mean the Crane school uses different mutagens?” Eskel speaks up.

“Of course. What would a nose like yours do for me in the water?”

“What are they, then?” Lambert asks, pressing him like some thief for information.

“I wouldn’t go demanding you tell me the secrets of your school yet you do so to me. Quit looking at me like that, you won’t see them unless I’m in the water or have taken a potion. We have all winter, my dear wolves. There’s no need to ring me of all my knowledge in one night. Besides, with the amount you’ve had to drink, I’d rather not have to repeat myself when you’re forgotten it all in the morning.”

Lambert crosses his arms over his chest, but for once in the few weeks Jaskier’s know him he doesn’t try to retort with a verbal jab. He leans back against the heavy wooden back of his chair and lifts his ale, draining the last few drops from the mug, before refilling it. Eskel’s gaze lingers on Jaskier with uncertainty for a moment, but once Jaskier meets his eyes, the man picks up his hand, trying to get back to his game with Geralt. He squints at his cards and flicks his eyes up to Geralt.

“Hang on a moment, does this mean you’ve actually fought a sea monster?” Geralt speaks up, trying to distract Eskel. 

Jaskier quirks an eyebrow at Geralt and picks his lute back up. Instead of giving any sort of answer, he goes back to strumming out chords thinking of all the ways his Witcher is going to try to convince him to give up some of his own hunting stories when they go to bed tonight, and perhaps again the night after, and after...

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so, so much for reeeeading!! i'd love to hear what you think. i'm still new to writing the witcher (and this is my first attempt at the other wolf witchers). this is part of my nanowrimo and i'm always looking for more inspo, ideas to fill my word count so if you have something you want to see, please leave me an ask on tumblr: [creaturejaskier](https://creaturejaskier.tumblr.com/)


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